I have very many tiny friends


#1

I have many tiny friends. Under my bed is a box of baby beetles, who will one day become mighty scarabs. In my corners are spiders of many varieties who serve as my national guard. Sometimes the spiders get in my bed, but that is my private space. Any tiny friends that wander into my bed are met with swift harsh justice in the form of excommunication. Silverfish, isopods, and house centipedes are not welcome as they eat my books like tiny assholes. They are disposed of swiftly by my guards. Lady birds break in during the colder months but soon die off from starvation. Flies and mayflies sneak in but I hate them, they are super annoying. Sometimes a woolly bear will somehow find a way inside despite being too chubby to fit through any cracks. Most common of all are camel crickets who rule the dark lands, they are skittish friends who fear the surface dwellers. Fleas are common at times as well, their hiding spots are drowned in noxious poisons that assure a righteous genocide. New friends are rare, as it’s fairly hard to get in and they hide from sight.

Have you any tiny friends?

  • I have many small friends
  • I am blessed with a reasonable amount of little friends
  • I wish I had small friends
  • I want my tiny friends to go away
  • Ew, tiny friends

0 voters


#2


#3

Yeah I dunno, I’m really tired and felt like writing something.


#4

By far, the strangest post I have ever seen.

Meh.


#5

uhhh ok?

you got tired of writing about your adventures?


#6

actually all my friends are staplers so theyre not tiny


#7

wait, didn’t you start a religion based on worshiping centipedes once? why are they unwelcome among your tiny friends?


#8

House centipedes aren’t scolepods. Comparing house centipedes to true centipedes is like comparing jews to jihadists. :sunglasses:


#9

oh so are you saying that they’re different
humans are all the same inside
they are kind respectful ppl


#10

While similar they do have their differences. Scolopendra are large, fat, stubby, and super bitey. House centipedes while sharing the same diet have spindly nightmare legs, other than that they are pretty chill. At the time of the original post I was actually thinking of millipedes as no centipedes actually eat books. :sunglasses:


#11

ah, that makes more sense. I believe one of your scriptural lines was “Burn the millipedes, they are sinners” or something like that.


#12

I’m ok with bugs and stuff.

As long as you don’t shock me.

(Because if you do, you want to be on your tiny millipede legs praying to your mighty cricket god or somethin, that I am suddenly occupied in something else - or you be dead within the minute)


As for people…

I grew taller. And now I see small people!
Everywhere!


#13

Where’s the option to eradicate and burn all the tiny friends away?


#14

With an attitude like that, I don’t think you even deserve regular size friends :sunglasses:


#15

oh snap


#16

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#17