Bad jokes

#187

oh yeah like how @solosen said, the joke part with watermelons is funny because he has to stick it up his butt. if the cannibul told him, he must have been dumb to get watermelons. basically, its a surprise

#188

They say Santa likes cookies and milk right.

Does that mean his favorite cereal is cookie crisp?

#189

Yes

If you were Santa, what drink and food would you want to have left out?

#190

Roast beef sandwiches and coffee to keep me awake when I deliver presents to children all around the world.

#191

sounds reasonable

#192

But if everyone left a roast beef sandwich, you would be very obese really fast

#193

what do you call an exploding monkey?

Summary

A baboom!

#194

As if cookies are any better, they’ll burn you out quicker. xD

#195

I caught my wife having sex with my best friend.
So I rolled up a newspaper and told him he was a bad boy.

#196

…OHHH IT’S A BESTATIALY JOKE!!!
now I get it.
…ew

#197

my girlfriend is like the square root of -100.
a solid 10, but also imaginary

#198

Homework is so time consuming. Do you know what else is?

Eating clocks

#199

Whenever I don’t get enough sleep, I’m like a bicycle
I’m two-tired

#200

Are offensive jokes allowed here? (Don’t click if you’re easily offended.)

What's the difference between a trailer full of bowling ball and a trailer full of dead babies?

You can’t unload bowling balls with a pitchfork.

You'd think the Catholic church would be in favor of condoms...

Less DNA evidence.

Why won't Monica Lewinsky vote for Hillary Clinton?

The last Clinton Presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

#201

How many dead children does it take to power a lightbulb?
Welp apparently more than 42 because my basement is still dark.

#202

DID YOU JUST ASSUME THE CHICKENS GENDER???
lel xd

#203

Four years ago, I found a dusty old lamp. Naturally, I decided to open it. Out popped, wait for it, a genie. He offered me three wishes. However, theres was one condition. “For whatever you wish, your worst enemy will recieve two times the treatment”

Well, of course, there were a lot of things that I wanted. However, first, I wanted a nice a billion dollars. Well, of course, I got a bank note the next day saying that some random wealthy person had decided to anonymously move a billion dollars to my account. However, before the end of the day, I met my nemesis who was talking about how he had gotten two billion dollars from a wealthy donor.

Next, I decided that I have always wanted a nice Ferrari. Next thing you know, a wealthy donor had given me a beautiful black ferrari. I was the happiest person in the world. Until my nemesis showed up and laughed claiming that he had managed to get two Ferraris.

The next day, I went up to the genie and told him, “You know. I’ve always wanted to donate a lung”

#204

billion = million?

#205

any record-setting wildfire will do more than 5 million dollars, which is approximately 10 houses in California.

#206

I was writing million and thinking billion :smiley: