Bad jokes

#227

Well it really is a bad joke :smiley: Still can’t get it but can see where you coming from

#228

Math jokes are always the worst. That is why they are amazing. Simply splendid.

#229

Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party? A: Because you can’t drink and derive…
Q: How do you make seven an even number? A: Take the s out!
This is about "deleteing system 32 bois"


If I rename system32 to system64, how much faster will my computer be?
Computers use binary, so:

32 = 23 + 22 = 8 + 4 = 12

64 = 26 + 24 = 64 + 16 = 80

80/12 = 6.66

So your computer will be 6.66 times as fast. Make sure to bless once a day with holy water if you don’t want your computer to bring about the end times (or with unholy water if you do).

how do i make unholy water?
Piss in a font
Not any font. Only Comic Sans and Papyrus will produce high enough quality unholy water.

#230

Is that so?

#231

Why did Susie drop her ice cream cone?
Because she was hit by a bus.

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But why did Susie drop her bus ticket?
Because she got hit by the ice cream truck

#232

funwaa.com

#233

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

#234

What do you call black man on the moon?

An astronaut

#235

How is music like candy?

The first thing you do is throw out the (w)rapper

#236

Where does a king keep his armies?

In his sleevies!

#237

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
What do you call a bear with no ears?
A b
What do you call a caecilian with no legs?
A caecilian you idiot


Not part of joke

I wonder if I made anyone curious about what a caecilian is? I’m sure a good amount of people here already know.
#238

Anti Joke Alert
How do you get a baby to crawl in a circle?

Staple one of its hands to the floor.

#239

A son asks his dad, "Dad, whats an alcoholic?"
The dad replies, "Well son, you see those 4 threes over there? Well an alcoholic will see 8."
The son says, “But dad, there are only 2 trees over there…”

A son asks his dad, “Dad, what does gay mean?”
“Well son, gay means happy,” says the dad.
After thinking for a bit, the son asks, "Does that mean you are gay dad?"
The dad says, “No son, i have a wife.”

#240

A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?”
The guy says, “No. They’re all at the funeral.”

#241

just saw this on r/jokes, has this thread become a r/jokes repost haven?

#242

i saw it on r/jokes a long time ago, but you know the saying, “r/jokes has the highest recycling rate at 98%”

#243

Went bob sleighing today,
killed about 250 Bobs

I have the heart of a lion
and a lifetime ban from the Toronto Zoo

#244

So I was chatting with a friend earlier today, and I somehow made this joke. It’s a bit vulgar, so you’ve been warned if you don’t feel comfortable with that stuff.

While at work, two men got into an argument. There seemed to be no end in sight, until…
“Fuck you,” said one of the men.
“Fuck you, too,” replied the other.
“Well, at least now we can come to one agreement,” grimaced the former.
The latter nodded in agreement. He said, thoughtfully, “Yes, we would both like to fuck each other.”

Well, it was funny in the moment. I think.

#245

A radio station in Ireland is taking calls to find a word that is commonly used but isn’t in the dictionary yet.
The first caller get’s through,
“Hello! What word do you think should be in the dictionary?”
“Goan!”
“Goan? Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Yeah, go’an fuck yerself!” The caller then begins laughing until the station can cut off his call.
After several more calls they get another man,
“And what’s your word sir?”
“Smee!”
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Aye! S’mee again! Go’an fuck yerself!”

#246

A store that sells new husbands has just opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…
On each floor the signs on the doors read:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
THE WIFE STORE
Floor 1 - has wives that love sex.
Floor 2 - has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.