Bad jokes


#329

so he wants to shoot the guy’s wiener, and his wifes head. 2 shots. but the guy says he can save hit 1 shot. that must mean the wiener is near the head.
tl dr they are having mouth intercourse


#330

There’s no i in denial.


#331

I was delighted when my wife suggested we bring a third person into our relationship…

“Your friend Katie perhaps?” I mused. “I’ve always had a bit of a thing for her.”

She replied, "No, you prick!! I meant a baby.


#332

Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb

I said, “Awww, are you an orphan”?

He said, “Yes, what gave me away?”

I said, “Your parents.”


#333

Ouch.


#334

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in the bus he was driving.


Contest to combat my boredom (Ended)
#335

Once upon a time, a kid got a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas, but he didn’t like the gift. Why?

Because the kid didn’t have legs :joy::joy::joy::joy:


#336

i can count on one hand the number of times i’ve been to Chernobyl. it’s 14.


#337

My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential,
Then he pushed me off the roof.


#338

i told my teenage niece to get me a phone book.
she laughed at me and said, "oh uncle J you’re so old. just use my phone"
so i slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider


#339

What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?

A key.


#340

When people say that a circle has no sides, that’s false.

A circle has 2 sides, an inside and an outside.


#341

normal milk - cows
skim milk - athletic cows
chocolate milk - brown cows
4% milk - American cows
strawberry milk - lesbian cows
soy milk - vegan cows
tan - smelly goats


#342

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things. :wink:


#343

I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”


#344

Which is heavier, 200 pounds of bricks or 200 pounds of feathers?

The feathers. 200 pounds of bricks is just a bunch of bricks, but with 200 pounds of feathers you also have to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.


#345

You stole that off r/jokes!


#346

So this isn’t really a joke but my friend said this when I finished building a microwave gun image


#347

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

he wiped


#348

What is a thing you can say both in funeral and during sexual intercourse?

“it would’ve been better if you were alive…”