Bad jokes


#349

The madam tell her girls ’ Just give those guys blow-up dolls.’
‘They’re so wasted they’ll never know the difference’

After when they’re walking home the first guy says ‘I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time’

The second says ‘I think Mine was a witch’

First: ‘really whys that?’

Second: '‘cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window’


#350

I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.


#351

Challenge! Next few comments try to make up stupid headlines

Slavic man dies in shipwreck attempting to sail through Australia


#352

Florida Man dies in an explosion after trying to microwave a microwave


#353

NEW RESEARCH SHOWS THAT 110% OF HAEDLINES USE CORECT MATH AND SPELING


#354

I made miSTEAK on my math test

an eggcellent joke


#355

10 men walk into a bar
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch
ouch


#356

“Fortnite” is a terrible name for a game.
It’s too weak.


#357

oof oof oof oof oof


#358

I don’t get it


#359

10 people walk into image


#360

Did you hear about the fat man who put a watch on his belt?

It was a big waist of time.


#361

I once thought I had a Japanese friend
But it was just my imagine Asian


#362

“The pop-up book of human anatomy”

Dont write this unless you want to scar children forever.


#363

why do north koreans draw lines so well?
because they have a supreme ruler


#364

“Where do you see yourself in 2 years?”

“I don’t know, I don’t have 20 20 vision!”


#365

A rich man was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed by the sight he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man: “Why are you eating grass?”

The poor man replied: “We don’t have any money for food. We have to eat grass.”

“Well then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the rich man said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us too”.

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and nine children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well,” the rich man answered. They all entered the car, almost didn’t fit even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once underway, one of the poor men turned to the rich guy and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

He replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!”


#366

drills are such a bore


#367

Why don’t crabs give to charity?

“Life burns around me.”

I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today.
Don’t worry, I’m not hurt.

“A nuclear bonfire.”

Why do melons have weddings?

“I died there.”

Do I enjoy making courthouse puns?

“Gnashing teeth and broken bones.”

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says

“The ground became a bloody mud.”

How do you make an octopus laugh?

“You’ll feel what I felt, give it time.”

Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex?

“I laughed as they melted.”

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

“I won’t let her forgive me.”

Can February March?

“I consume the dead.”

I was going to tell a joke about dogs but

“The sky turned black with parasites.”

I was addicted to the hokey pokey…

“I am the one with the blood.”

I sold my vacuum cleaner,

“We died again and again.”

What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?

“I drank the blood from the mud below me.”

Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns.

“We sank ever deeper.”

Did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be doing a movie about classical music?

“Help me.”

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the middle of the ocean?

“The mud swirled with maggots.”

The rotation of earth really

“Terror, pure and absolute.”

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle.

“Blood and bile consumed the land.”

My kid wants to invent a pencil with an eraser on each end,

“I want to go home.”

The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line.

“I never should have left.”

My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I

“I was so afraid…but it felt so good.”

My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, u could be stuck underground in a hole full of water”

“The bones cut at our feet.”’

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

“The flies. They engulf the world.”


#368

Your right. Those are bad jokes. I think my favorite of them is this one: