Why is it that when your wife/girlfriend gets pregnant, everyone rubs her belly and says “Congratulations”? Nobody rubs your dick and says “Good job!”
Bad jokes
Awdreg
#134
Explanation
Euler’s identity (easily derived from Taylor expansions of sin x, cos x, and e^x) states that e^(i*π) = -1.
Take the ln of both sides and you’ll quickly see what the joke (?) is.
DavidKDW
#140
Borrow money from pessimists; they don’t expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Forty-two point seven percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future.
Laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever-so far, so good.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, "I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
SenShin
#141
With great power comes even greater electricity bills.
First your soul, now your mind… Stop losing your shit!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
Pete and Ripete were on a boat, Pete fell off the boat. Who was left?
Are these bad enough?
