Granted. You now have a pen used to light cigarettes that is high

I wish I knew Raremeat’s picnic rule


Granted, but nobody else knows what that is.

I wish I was fluent in anime Japanese.


Granted, but its an ancient dialect that nobody knows anymore, and you are no longer able to speak/understand any other language. Have fun!

I wish for algebra to be more understandable


Granted, you understand all the letters in a algrebraic equation, but do not understand the mathematical meaning behind it, thus making you still not knowing how to do algebra.

I wish @NeonMagnum can become my girlfriend.


Granted. They CAN become your girlfriend, but they choose not to.

I wish I was really smart


Granted, but it comes at a price:

Best of luck, btw! Get those grades up for me, huh? ^w^

“I wish, I wish, with all my heart, to fly with dragons, in a land apart!”

@Filde Nice, someone got this reference. Smh not random enough


Granted! You become a majestic dragon who can fly with other dragons with the names of Ord, Cassie, Zak, Wheezie, and Quetzal. However, not in the land that you expect. As you fly around, you hear a faint yet concerning sound…

“Hey you, you’re finally awake.”

I wish I always have an endless amount of curiosity.


Granted. Copies of the robot start to overflow the world, burying you, your enemies, and everyone in between in mountains of wheels and steel and circuits.

I wish I could understand people better.


Granted. In exchange, no one understands you.

I wish to be able to know what to gift to others on special occasions, such as Christmas or birthdays.


Granted, but now the only thing others give you for special occasions is a pair of socks three sizes too small & made of an uncomfortable material. And they’re constantly soggy.

I wish for a propeller hat


granted, you put it on and get yeeted into the sky

i wish i could stop waking up in the middle of the night goddammit


Granted, you stop sleeping

I wish I could have indestructible joints


Granted! As your joints are now indestructible, I think it’s only fair if we…say…halve your lifespan! Oh, and if you ever develop a bone-affecting type of disease…pick a god and pray!

I wish for a nice crate of fresh grapes with no hurtful animals or diseases inside of it.


Granted, a poor grape merchant in Somalia wakes up to find his only source of livelihood missing. You monster.

I wish I had 20/20 vision


Granted - however, since 20/20 is technically 20 divided by 20, you now have one (1) vision on a scale of 1-100!

I wish for the moon to actually be made of cheese


Granted! The moon has now always been made of cheese, and as a result, is much lighter than the rock moon.

Due to it being lighter, it orbits closer to the earth. Tides on earth are also weaker, seasonal temperature changes vary wildly, and the planet becomes a much harsher place to live on, requiring its inhabitants to evolve to survive the extreme conditions. This requires them to devote much more energy to just surviving, and so they are unable to create any sort of rocket technology powerful enough to get you to the moon to eat it.

I wish that I had a big dish of pastitsio to eat.


granted, you now owe me 20$

I wish my life was less stressful rn


Granted, you lose the ability to feel stress or anxiety, any time something bad happens, you laugh it off and continue doing what you’re doing. With no sense of urgency or stress, you end up ignoring most of your pressing problems and end up in a shack after ten years.

I wish I could control the exact temperature of any room I’m in.


Granted, however the temperature is never to your liking.

I wish I could make forum responses by going back in time to when the post I’m replying to was made.
so many wasted opportunities.


Granted, but each reply is utterly nonsensical.

I want an apple.