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Life of Sen
SenShin
#26
Yep, still here.
The plan to get wheels changed somewhat drastically, I ended up purchasing a bike, total costs were about $1k ($900 for purchase, $100 everything else)
I’ll get my driver’s license sometime in the future (or at least within a year) when I feel like it, since I don’t have a car I don’t really need it. Ah, the best part is that I don’t have to pay for insurance and I only had to register my bike once and it’s over. My plate ironically enough ended up including the numbers 666. 
It does the job and takes me to and from work very nicely, but the roads here are a lot crappier than before because of the earthquake and I have to take extra caution to avoid potholes. Still though, it beats what I used to do. 
Speaking of my job though, I almost got terminated from my job thanks to a really shitty misunderstanding of policies, it’s been resolved now thanks to my tenacity but I was looking for odd jobs on indeed a while ago because of it. I have a tendency to get frustrated easily.
Aside from frustration, depression is getting to me too. Occasionally I find myself staring into space either sitting or lying down, wondering what the fuck happened, I still have a huge amount of ambition for my future, but taking the ipip-300 made me realize just how serious my neuro issues have gotten.
A recent incident amplified them for the worse too, and I realize that I have anger issues to a degree. I’m trying my best to suppress them as I’ve noticed I explode over nothing anymore and seeing as it resembles my old man’s actions directly, it’s more than unsettling for me. I’d say my ultimate fear is becoming like him in the end.
My anxiety is still awful too and it’s all thanks to one source. But it’s been established just how much my life has been fucked over by him and there’s no point in whining about that now, the important thing is to use that hatred correctly and get better. It’s serving as a secondary drive. (The first one is love.)
Well, worries that I have on one hand, on the other it’s ways to counter them. I’m finally starting to eat normally again (I’m at a healthy weight of 122 as well, though it leans towards more to being underweight. For reference I’m 5’6".) But it’s not my diet that concerns me, it’s my lack of movement. I work a dead end office job and if I don’t start exercising sometime soon, not only will T work less wonders for me but I might die in 3 years from health issues. Hoping I get my act together.
I’ve been learning nihongo (Japanese) for a while now. Finishing up 2nd grade joyo Kanji and will move onto the 3rd grade soon. But I’m also picking up music again! I dug up old programs and found some new ones to make music with, I still have my giant keyboard as well to practice songs by ear on. (Duvet, Veridis Quo, a lot of Thieves Like Us songs…)
I don’t have a particular goal with music just like Japanese, I’m only doing it for the fun of it, and ultimately fun is a good form of therapy.
Zephyr and I have been spending more time together too, we play Dragon Quest together whenever we can, a lot of late night chats, early morning greetings, that sort of thing. It’s what you’d expect in a typical gay relationship. He’s been a pillar of strength for me with EFLV for over a year now too. However my buddy gets depressed often a times as well and I need to watch out for it. Overall, he’s doing pretty well.
EFLV is hard to judge though, at times it feels smooth, other times it’s choppier than the fucking potholes on my way to work. I got my wheels so the next step in the plan is to save up money to buy a house, build up credit score, and find out what kind of fucking career I’m going to pursue. It’s been long overdue at this point but I’ve been undecided about it even as a child. Ehh.
Wrapping things up here, hopefully next month I’ll learn more about music, build my credit score alongside the other things, and improve my physical and emotional health even if it’s just a tad. 
It’s not about feeling like a champion or a hopeless case, it’s about your mindset going from hopeless case back to champion when time calls for it I guess.
Seelpit
#27
I don’t know what your weekly routine is, but maybe consider biking somewhere if you’ve got some free time.
Simply doing that once a week, on top of your [what’s the word, commute?], will probs help ^u^
Also, since you happen to bee getting into music again, why not check out some stuff from Strong Unpolished Rhythm? It’s got some simple chill beats (and a Homestuck reference >:3)
SenShin
#28
I’m very physically weak compared to about 6-8 years ago so I’m trying to slowly start being active again, because as it stands me as a kid could easily kick my ass. :^)
These are some nice beats btw, thank you for the recommendation!
SenShin
#29
It’s nearly the end of the year, and what have I gotten done? …Well not much honestly.
I find it hard to believe this thread has been open since January.
I read over my last entries and it just feels like I keep repeating myself over and over which is a heavy punch to the guts since I expected things to change. But the only major one was getting new transportation.
So from now on I’m keeping these entries short.
Recently I discovered depression does more than give you a few bad nights, it also effects dopamine. I can’t watch shows anymore because I have no motivation to, and I rarely start new projects even though I really want to, like music for instance. It took me longer to figure out than it should’ve.
I’m just happy it’ll cool down soon, I fucking hate Summer.
Nameness
#33
A month and two days till Sen’s bday
(I saw Sen saying their birthday was soon just two posts above and went and checked the old birthday thread)
SenShin
#34
Update: check description below
Not going to ping anyone because people usually check this thread eventually.
Orsome
#35
Have a good one Sen.
Recently we haven’t spoken much but I can say with certainty that I’ll miss you. But like you said, you have irl shit to deal with and that’s always more important. Here’s hoping you can finally move out soon.
Four
#36
I know you don’t use the forums anymore but, Happy birthday sen and cheers for all you’ve done for me. Hopefully you’re doing a bit better c: sending much love
system
#37
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