Really Depressing Rant (Long)

[PisakPL]

I can be your friend

[Xaklor]

I had a friend who’s situation was (or is, idk) nearly identical to yours. in fact, if it weren’t for a few incredibly specific details I might wonder if you were actually them.

unfortunately I didn’t learn much from that debacle partially due to how poorly I reacted, other than that you should keep pushing forward because things do get better at some point. and you at least have a direction to keep moving in, so you’ve still got that.

[Literature]

But @SoloSen , don’t completely cut out your dad from your life. Even in his own twisted or strange way he’s being your parent.

Parent or not, he’s still a huge dick, and even if he’s a father, nobody should have to put up with huge dicks. Why would you want to keep ties with someone who would just hurt you? I don’t want to control someone’s life, so do what makes you happy, @SoloSen

[Orsome]

Parent or not, he’s still a huge dick

Huge dick or not, he’s still a father.
I believe there’s good in everyone, despite how horrible they seem.
Solosen’s father doesn’t deserve the right to keep Solo from being happy and force beliefs upon him, and they should definitely move out, but a parent doesn’t deserve to have a child disappear from their lives forever either.
I’m not saying that Solo should respect their father and love him like you would anyone else, as that trust has been broken between them, but not to dehumanize him completely.
Literature, you also kinda disregarded how most of my post actually agreed with the general public. Solo should absolutely move out, and should definitely start a new life without being oppressed for being different from his relatives.

[Literature]

Literature, you also kinda disregarded how most of my post actually agreed with the general public. Solo should absolutely move out, and should definitely start a new life without being oppressed for being different from his relatives.

I don’t wanna have a flame argument on a genuine, wholesome post. I only responded to your remarks to me, that’s why I didn’t reply to the rest of your post.

Anyway, to keep this from spiraling into bad directions, I’ll just leave it at this. I wish you the best in life, solo.

[TROLLDLLR]

@Solosen I will tell you this: you cannot fight your father shot-for-shot in your current condition.
If I told you to fight your father, I might as well tell you to invade Russia with a glock 17.

[CandyShi]

If I told you to fight your father, I might as well tell you to invade Russia with a glock 17.

suka blyat rush b.

[SenShin]

Well I got through reading everyone’s replies while checking RealmEye throughout the day so far. Seeing as there was a plethora of them though and being on mobile, I didn’t reply right away and thought it’s better to tell everyone as a whole.

I love you dude, please don’t do anything to harm yourself.

Here’s a melon, to mellow you out.

All in all, we r here for you. We may just be a forum for a game that no one knows about, but the majority of us have formed a good community and will not judge you, or anyone.

all I have to say is that there will always be people in the world who support and love you, you just have to find them. <3

I can’t imagine the pain you go through every day, but just remember there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going, we’re supporting you Solo.

you can have my patented therapist gaod again

Virtual hug

Never give up and when u do live with zephyr (or alone), fulfill ur greatest wish and cut all ties with that fool!

NO ONE here can completely relate to your situation or tell you the perfect way out, we here do not know your situation completely.
Do know however that we ALL wish you the best in your future life. Good luck

The world ends with you. If you want to enjoy life, expand your world. You gotta push your horizons out as far as they’ll go. Enjoy the moment with all your might…whether it’s gloomy, whether it’s bright! Knowing it in your head doesn’t mean much if you don’t act on it.

But compared to you I may have it pretty good.

I can be your friend

I want to thank you all that reached out to me and gave me support, even if you can’t offer any advice I feel less lonely in this situation and know I’m not in the wrong. Even if you’re empathetic towards me and say that you may not have it as bad, that makes me feel stronger as a person.

Even if you just offered a virtual hug, digital melon, a poem, talked to me, or cheered me on, it means a lot to me as well. I feel motivated and will overcome future tasks with confidence.

---

As for those who did give me advice, I appreciate it immensely.

why aren’t you allowed to dorm? you’re 18 your parents shouldnt have that control over you.

Maybe you should try contacting some groups such as American Atheists https://www.atheists.org/ , they might be able to provide some advice or help.

Unfortunately it costs a lot of money and if I decide to be stubborn and dorm I won’t hear the end of it from the Hierophant.

I’ll look into it thank you.

Another thing I wanted to add was that a good job to get is lifeguarding.

I might consider this in the future if money is still tight and when I earn my license because all public pools are very far away from my residence. (Odd though, because it’s a desert. I would’ve thought they wanted to build more.) The only thing that might drive me away from it is my curse… But I’ll manage somehow if the uniform regulations aren’t strict.

• Your father qualifies as abusive. Report him (If you can prove that he was doing this when you were <18 yrs old)
• What a dick father, I don’t know what to say.
• Self harm is never a good choice. Once you walk that road, you have crossed the Event Horizon.
• Do whatever you need to in order to get out (Don’t break the law though)
• Do not reflect on your father, weird advice I know. YOur dad sounds like the type to beat even harder when resisted. So don’t resist him openly, please (Battle him in places where there is equal footing, such as the courts).
• We are here for ya, hang in there.

I’ve reported him in school before but they took no action to help me. My ex has told me to call hotlines before when times were rough so I did. But overall, it might be too late for me. I’m considered an adult and I would have no place to live if I left right now.

I have not committed self harm, so don’t worry in that regard.

You assume right because he’s an impulsive person. The problem though is that as a kid I already had a submissive nature and got beaten regardless, but the worst part is I actually believed I did wrong things and hated myself for it. I’m older now and around 16 years old (senior year of high school) I finally realized that what he was doing is wrong, and that I shouldn’t take it. But being stubborn rarely helps either… Sometimes it makes it worse. Therefore I vent behind his back.

Got a feeling that’s just something you came up with as a coping mechanism (which, if anything, further emphasizes how bad you’ve had it).

Also I’m sorry if this disappoints you, but nothing in that entire rant has significantly changed my view of you.

The fact that you’re still planning for the future is a very positive sign, as it shows you’re not completely broken and apathetic yet.

You should absolutely keep advancing toward that goal. I don’t know how much of your father’s attitude comes from being genuinely convinced he’s doing the right thing and how much is just him wanting someone he can dominate and disguising this selfish desire as “faith”, but regardless it’s clearly not working out well for you.

Coping mechanism? I’m not exactly sure what you mean by that… My curse is what it sounds like–a curse. I have had negative influences in my life that possibly led toward me feeling the way I do about it with stereotypes/roles, however even if that shit didn’t exist during my younger years I probably would’ve felt the same way I do now. In the vaguest of terms, it’s just who I am.
As for actual coping mechanisms… listening to music, cuddling my friend, and drawing while self reflecting. If those count as therapy there you have it.

It doesn’t disappoint me, I don’t want people to see me any differently than SoloSen.

Like I mentioned earlier, I have nothing to live for but I’m too scared to die. So I might as well do something about my situation and enjoy what life can potentially offer me if I survive through this. It would also make a good story once I’m old and grizzled and lived a good life.

It can possibly be him masking his plots as “faith,” on the web he seems like a patron saint however he’s not that way in real life. He still practices his rituals daily, but in general it makes him hostile towards me and my mom at times.

If he reports his father, he might not be able to live there.

Once he moves out, of course he can try reporting his father if he wants to.

That summarizes it well, and it’s the biggest reason I can’t jump the nest yet. I hate that fact but I have to accept it for what it is. I’m a dependent. I probably won’t report him once I move out though, I’ll leave that to karma unless he decides to come after me.

Let me start off by saying that there is no perfect solution that beats all. There is no such thing as a miracle.

As harsh as it sounds, the only solution available is time. However, you should speed up this process if you believe you are unable to last long enough.

I realize what I’m about to suggest will disgust you to even consider it, perhaps to even think about it, but you’re asking for advice and this is what I’ve got available. I apologize in advance.

I do believe in miracles to an extent, a couple have happened to me in the past. Surreal experiences.
Agreed. Time is invaluable though and I’m trying to make the most of it.
Also it’s fine, you don’t have to apologize.

Play his game. He is taking advantage of you. Change that. Take advantage of him. Get as much leverage as you can under him. He wants you to pray? Do it. What does it matter to you if you pray to a god you don’t even believe exists? If you can get him on your side no matter how fake you act you’ve acquired enough leverage to put yourself in your brother’s position.
I understand that it is easier said than done, but if you want something to change you’ve got to change his perspective of you.

You’ve only presented the surface of the issue, but based on what I know about the subject I’m sure he’ll take it along the lines of their misguided son who’s seen the light. Let him believe whatever it takes to get yourself on top. In the end, it does not matter how you got there. All that matters is that you made it.

The problem is I don’t want him to extend that mask into something that interferes with my personal life. In the past it was a requirement to stay up very late during school nights just to do some shitty evening prayer. This meant missing out on sleep then having to wake up at 6 AM and repeat. We managed to convince him it’s not fair towards us and he stopped. Regardless though, he usually thinks I’m a liar regardless if I do pray or not. Therefore I don’t anymore, he just thinks I’m always full of shit.

The reason I’m stubborn is to keep a boundary of what he can control in my life. If I give him leeway he will take more. And under all circumstances I refuse to let that happen.

I had a friend who’s situation was (or is , idk) nearly identical to yours. in fact, if it weren’t for a few incredibly specific details I might wonder if you were actually them.

unfortunately I didn’t learn much from that debacle partially due to how poorly I reacted, other than that you should keep pushing forward because things do get better at some point. and you at least have a direction to keep moving in, so you’ve still got that.

That intrigues me more than it should, but I won’t pester you about it.

I’ll keep going though, thanks Having guidance helps a lot, so at least I don’t have to feel lost.

Parent or not, he’s still a huge dick, and even if he’s a father, nobody should have to put up with huge dicks. Why would you want to keep ties with someone who would just hurt you? I don’t want to control someone’s life, so do what makes you happy, @SoloSen

Huge dick or not, he’s still a father.
I believe there’s good in everyone, despite how horrible they seem.
Solosen’s father doesn’t deserve the right to keep Solo from being happy and force beliefs upon him, and they should definitely move out, but a parent doesn’t deserve to have a child disappear from their lives forever either.

I’m actually obliged to agree with Orsome on this even if I don’t like it. But I do appreciate that I still get a place to live. If he was a degree more of a douchebag I would’ve been kicked out ages ago. He’s potentially a good father but maybe I’m just not his “beloved child.”
I don’t want to devastate him, however that ultimately depends on him. If I lift my curse and he comes to accept me for who I am I will still keep ties with him. But if he goes berserk and decides to do some crazy shit I’ll report him like CandyShi recommended. Once I have enough power to live on my own his threats mean nothing to me.

I will tell you this: you cannot fight your father shot-for-shot in your current condition.
If I told you to fight your father, I might as well tell you to invade Russia with a glock 17.

I’m completely aware of this thus why I don’t flip him off and run away right now. Instead I’ll gradually climb the hill without him noticing then drop some fire over his bourgeoisie beliefs once I acquire enough power to. I mean this in a metaphorical sense of course. I’m not an arsonist.

---

Anyways, I know this was a lot to read. again. But thank you all so much for your words. Even if it doesn’t seem like much to you it means the world to me. I feel a lot better today and I don’t want this thread to get spammed with more walls of text though, therefore if you want to talk to me I’ll be on discord: SoloSen#6549

But seriously, I just want to take a moment to appreciate how a flash game I discovered 6 years ago led up to so many memories. It’s pretty ridiculous how Realm has become an experience rather than a game, and I’m especially happy I found the forums about a year ago. Like I mentioned earlier I don’t have ties with many people in real life, so you’ve all kept me from turning completely stone cold to an extent. It’s unbelievably wholesome here at times… Love you all.

[Wink]

Yeah, I just wanted to let you know (if it affects your decision) that I know several LGBTQ guards and most of them are my friends. Also when I feel sad after being beaten or something, and I am too turned off from the beating to masturbate to make myself feel better, I like to listen to asmr, specifically Pokimane’s asmr videos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMfDroWv8EU&t=507s

[Shatter]

Wtf

[Wink]

My hidden side .

[NubieDubie]

OH yeah, I have a couple pieces of advice, again maybe it might help or not,
but, try to get some proof of his bearings, such as putting your phone behind some books on a book shelf or other places that can capture such events

[Zquidx]

Try posting on https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/
also consider learning a skill or earning a certificate (computer related is probably the most accessible)

[HorusKane]

Dorming in college costs money

ik, I was just concerned with the use of ‘not allowed’

Unfortunately it costs a lot of money and if I decide to be stubborn and dorm I won’t hear the end of it from the Hierophant.

screw him, if it gets you away from him then you should do it (if you can)

Why do you care what he says? He’s the one that has made you feel bad, don’t do anything just to make him happy!

I’ll look into it thank you.

np <3

I’ll try to look into some more resources for you to turn to, I know there are a ton of atheist organizations that try to help people get out of toxic situations, especially when those situations are (partially atleast) caused by religion.

Anyways, I know this was a lot to read. again . But thank you all so much for your words. Even if it doesn’t seem like much to you it means the world to me. I feel a lot better today and I don’t want this thread to get spammed with more walls of text though, therefore if you want to talk to me I’ll be on discord: SoloSen#6549

<3 <3

I’ll probably be able to be more active on discord soon, hopefully we can talk some and have fun with the rest of the guild.

But seriously , I just want to take a moment to appreciate how a flash game I discovered 6 years ago led up to so many memories. It’s pretty ridiculous how Realm has become an experience rather than a game, and I’m especially happy I found the forums about a year ago. Like I mentioned earlier I don’t have ties with many people in real life, so you’ve all kept me from turning completely stone cold to an extent. It’s unbelievably wholesome here at times… Love you all.

I’m glad I found the forums too, I use realm (and other games) as an escape from real life, and I dont know if I’d still be in the community if I hadn’t found the friends I’ve made from here.

[RMGnoob]

I don’t want this thread to get spammed with more walls of text

If we can spend 5 million years sperging about dungeon design or item balance then surely we can spare some time on a topic such as this one.

Sure, the primary focus of the forum is still on RotMG, but threads like this one are what I think builds a community on the forum, instead of just being a bunch of random people complaining about lag and shit.

My curse is what it sounds like–a curse.

No matter what your father tells you, your body and mind are not a curse. At worst you were born with a condition that a professional could help you with, at best it’s just a side-effect of the poor conditions you were brought up in and it’ll fade as you gain more independence.

I have nothing to live for

You got a job you want to do. You got friends you want to hang out with. You got things you believe in.

Main reason you haven’t offed yourself yet is precisely because, deep down, you know you still have a lot to live for.

(on a side note, lifeguard might not be a very good idea for a reason other than having to hang around in public wearing a swimsuit: air and water don’t apply the same pressure, and the ear is one of the parts of the body that’s most affected by pressure changes; so if you already have sensitive ears, a job that could require you to frequently dive in water might not be the best).

[Nameness]

So while I am christian and would agree many things you’re doing is morally wrong, I am not going to follow you around and scream like that, what your father is saying, specifically the way and attitude he says it with is in my mind, if you tell the exact truth, oppressive and devoid of love, and I feel so very sorry that you have to deal with it as he claims to be christian and comes on so violently it sort of makes me doubt that is even true

I am sorry that you have to deal with that and hope you can leave the place soon

For advice I feel as though I am not in the ideal position to give that as I am within the very religion that you are having trouble with

[Orsome]

I feel as though I am not in the ideal position to give that as I am within the very religion that you are having trouble with

I’m Christian too.

What Solo’s dad is doing is not Christian.

[SenShin]

screw him, if it gets you away from him then you should do it (if you can)

Why do you care what he says? He’s the one that has made you feel bad, don’t do anything just to make him happy!

The reason I don’t is because I’m still a dependent. I need to get my drivers license, and more stable work before moving out. If I left a year ago I would’ve been screwed.

I don’t care about what he says, but I care about keeping the relationship from getting worse so I can survive until I have enough power to leave.

I’ll try to look into some more resources for you to turn to, I know there are a ton of atheist organizations that try to help people get out of toxic situations, especially when those situations are (partially atleast) caused by religion.

Always appreciated, I want to give my friend a break too. He’s become my budget therapist of sorts lol

If we can spend 5 million years sperging about dungeon design or item balance then surely we can spare some time on a topic such as this one.

Sure, the primary focus of the forum is still on RotMG, but threads like this one are what I think builds a community on the forum, instead of just being a bunch of random people complaining about lag and shit.

If you say so. But even if I didn’t post this rant/wasn’t around for it, it would still have a lot of heart. The Realmafia games that Toastrz hosts are also what makes me feel like the community is a good one

No matter what your father tells you, your body and mind are not a curse. At worst you were born with a condition that a professional could help you with, at best it’s just a side-effect of the poor conditions you were brought up in and it’ll fade as you gain more independence.

It’s something I’ve had since birth, I’ve tried living with it before multiple times but in the end I realized I won’t be happy until I get it treated. So that’s what I’ll do, even if my relatives don’t like it.

You got a job you want to do. You got friends you want to hang out with. You got things you believe in.

Main reason you haven’t offed yourself yet is precisely because, deep down, you know you still have a lot to live for.

That one night I was up and out at 3 AM I was blind to all those facts. It’s a weird feeling to describe, a creeping sociopathic pride that gives you tunnel vision and darkens the rest of the world out. Zephyr was the light in that moment and then I realized all those points. But suppose I lost all of them, the only way to move is forward.

on a side note, lifeguard might not be a very good idea for a reason other than having to hang around in public wearing a swimsuit: air and water don’t apply the same pressure, and the ear is one of the parts of the body that’s most affected by pressure changes; so if you already have sensitive ears, a job that could require you to frequently dive in water might not be the best

One of the minimum wage jobs I have is McDonald’s, and let me tell you. The amount of noise in the building is ridiculous. Kids screaming, dual radios playing, machines beeping, ovens beeping, and even MORE machines beeping. It’s pretty hellish and I can’t see myself working there for a promotion.
Somehow I manage though, if barely.

So while I am christian and would agree many things you’re doing is morally wrong, I am not going to follow you around and scream like that,

That’s completely fine, you’re entitled to your own opinions. I don’t think of myself fully in the right either, just not completely evil like the hierophant thinks. (I’ve been called Satan a few times before.)

what your father is saying, specifically the way and attitude he says it with is in my mind, if you tell the exact truth, oppressive and devoid of love, and I feel so very sorry that you have to deal with it as he claims to be christian and comes on so violently it sort of makes me doubt that is even true

I am sorry that you have to deal with that and hope you can leave the place soon

For advice I feel as though I am not in the ideal position to give that as I am within the very religion that you are having trouble with

I think we’re both devoid of love, but he fired the shots first so I’m going to roll with that. He used to apologise for being a douche sometimes, but nowadays you’d have better chances winning the slots at a gas station. (Which he did once ironically enough)
I feel like there are two factions of Christians. The actual nice people who are cool to be around, and then the absolute dogballs scum of the Earth who create cults and hate crimes.

He has been hypocritical in the past, but if I dare mention it he won’t be happy about it obviously.
What I think it is, is selfish desire and fantasy masked as religion. He puts a lot of effort into the services on Sunday, from wearing the garb to choking everyone with incense. Maybe he’s delusional.

Also, I’m still open to any advice you give me. Just because I left faith behind doesn’t mean I’m against it as a whole. Maybe advice from real non-extremist Christians is different.

What Solo’s dad is doing is not Christian.

Agreed

[Tauntauned]

My view on family is that it is what you make it.

My father may biologically be the one who I am related to but I have no love for him.

Where as I have comrades who I care about and who care about me and help me when times are hard. That is my family

So to me my father is not my family. He’s just a man I knew. People expect people to love their family unconditionally but love is not unconditional, it’s earned like respect

When someone treats you like garbage all your life you can’t love them

Some people just will not change so you have to move on and purge them from your life when giving the chance

[Shatter]

I love my dad.