[details=A date with Mike Sellers]It’s a tough job being a massive weeb like @Scorchmist.
It’s a hot Summers morning, the sun is rising and the early morning dew is precipitating from the grasses. The bliss is immediately broken with the sound of “we are fighting dreamers” at max volume from an alarm clock in the shape of Luffys head. A massive appendage composed of lard swings down onto the alarm clock, silencing it. Scorch awakes with a low groan, he is almost completely round and would probably be dead if it weren’t for some miracle keeping his fat stained arteries from clogging. He rolls out of his bed and onto the floor and lands with a thud that rattles the anime collection he has hoarded in his room. Scorch can move around quite impressively despite weight. He jumps to his feet and performs some fighting moves he saw on whatever anime he was watching last night, his form is similar to a shark, if that shark was out of water and just out of reach of anything to bite. Scorch runs downs the stairs and into the kitchen. The stairs creak and strain under his weight as he thunders down, with a loud bang as he reaches the floor. “moooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Yells Sorchmist. “’eres yer brekfest” slurs a massive landwhale from the kitchen table. She throws a box of breakfast cereal at her offspring. The box lands right on Scorch’s head and the impact compresses his head down past his neck. His arms remove the box revealing the massive rectangular imprint it left instead of his head. A quake comes from the top part of his body and his head pops back out. “Thanks mom.” Scorch said as he digs into the cereal box with a mix between children tearing apart wrapping from Christmas presents and a swarm of piranhas consuming a rotting corpse.
“Time to get on the computer!” Scorch exclaims as he finishes off his breakfast. He sits on a chair abysmally small for his body, almost crushing it. He swipes most of the empty drink cans and plastic wrappers off his keyboard and turns on his filthy Macintosh. He checks on his social media when suddenly… “How dare they!” Scorch mutters as he sees the response he is getting from his anime drawing he put up from his art class. It had been spread to every year level. Everyone finds it hysterically bad and some are uploading their own memes of it comparing it to children’s finger paintings. “I will show them! I will show them all!” Scorch threatens as he uses his cheeto encrusted fingers to plot a way to shoot up his school with a spirit gun/hadoken/whatever other weeb magic he actually thinks he has. Ten minutes later he had already run out of ideas and went to play RotMG instead.
Scorch hops into his ninja, the most weeb class of all, he purchased it from the Golden era of Mike Sellers and enters the nexus. A popup offer for a new ninja skin appears. It is like the regular ninja skin, but it has pentaract eyes for eyes. Scorch wants the skin. Scorch wants it real bad. But he doesn’t have enough gold for it. With sweat dripping from all over his body he runs for his mom’s credit card. He logs into his paypal and maxes out his mother’s credit card. But for a ninja skin that costs 10,000 gold he knows he is making the correct financial decision. But there is a problem. The transaction has not gone through! With his palm sweat creating some form of disgusting composite material with the cheeto dust, Scorch contacts Deca support and receives an automated email almost immediately. The response explains that since Deca is still using kabam’s servers from transactions Scorch will need to contact them instead. Scorch writes up a quick response and is surprised that he received a reply within a minute. But what surprised him the most was who replied.
Long thought retired Kabam employee, Mike Sellers.
His email informs Scorch that the servers are down and the transaction cannot be made. Scorch replies if anything mike can do, his face tearing up in his denial that he cannot purchase that magnificent skin. Mike tells Scorch that he could make the transaction in person instead. Scorch starts crying. “I-I get to see Mike Sellers in person? My lifelong dream has come true. After this encounter I can finally feel my life is complete, just in time for me to show those bullies what for!” He steals his father’s keys and drives away.
After an amount of traffic violations that could be numbered in 3 digits he arrives at the address he was given. He was very confused that he was supposed to meet his lifelong idol at a harbor. Was Mike going to make him out to international borders to make the deal? But then Scorch saw where he was supposed to go. It the biggest Yacht he has ever seen, almost as big as a cruise ship, plated gold. He walks up the gangway to a side door and knocks. When the door opened he was greeted with the most handsome face in the world. It was Mike Sellers. “Good evening Scorchmist” Mike said, his voice sounded like the most the most purest of angels. “How about you come inside?” He leaves the door open for Scorch as we walks back inside of his golden yacht. Scorch remains outside for a minute with his mouth open, drool running down onto the floor before he snaps back from his awe and runs after Mike.
He finds Mike in a massive grand bedroom. “Now how about we make this transaction.” Mike says as he lays alluringly on the massive bed. “But I forgot to bring money!” Scorch worries. “Don’t worry, I can still make this work out for you, Scorchie.” Mike says as he pulls Scorchie onto the bed.”What are yo- ohhh Mike yes~” Scorchie is put into pure bliss as Mike Sellers caresses Scorchie with his soft, tender yet sensitive hands. “I’ve decided to add a new dungeon to RotMG, but I’ve yet to explore it.” Mike says as his face comes in contact with Scorchie’s. “Now close your eyes Scorchie.” As Scorchie does so Mike opens his mouth and goes for a kiss. But instead of a kiss Scorchie feels Mike’s soft wet lick his forehead. Mike feels every part of Scorchie’s face with his tongue, collecting all the sweat that had accumulated over the course of the day. Scorchie reaches a state of pure happiness. Mike’s tongue then goes in to Scorchie’s right ear, licking his ear canal. But mike isn’t finishes with that part yet, his tongue goes even deeper. Mike reaches right down to Scorchie’s ear drum. Because of the massive pressure from Mike’s tongue each and every small movement sends Scorchie into ecstasy. There is someone knocking on the door, but it doesn’t the pairs actions. Little did Sorchie know that the door was left unlocked. The door opened and Sorchie glanced towards it to see who came inside. Mike sellers intentionally left the door open for he knew this person was coming.
@Doc enters the room and sees what is happening. Doc joins in.
Mike withdraws from Scorchie’s ear slowly as Doc crawls up next to Mike. “How about you help me playtest this dungeon and bring co-op back into RotMG.” Mike says to Doc. “I would love to honey” Doc replies as their tongues approach Scorchie’s face. Scorchie’s eyelids are forced open Mike and Doc’s tongues enter his eye sockets “Mmm, salty.” Doc exclaims as his tounge feels around Scorchie’s left eyeball. Scorchie’s eyes aren’t hurt in this process as his love for Mike Sellers is far greater than anything in world. As Scorchie’s tear glands are licked empty he falls asleep. Mike and Doc withdraw their tongues and drive Scorch back to his bed to rest. Scorch smiles in his sleep as he remembers what happened.
The next day Scorch shoots up his school with a katana and is then promptly killed by police.
The End[/details]
