DISCLAIMER: We are in no way affiliated to Mike Sellers. Any questions to Mike Sellers may be redirected to any one of his five yachts. Advance payment of $50,000 may be necessary, additional microtransaction notwithstanding.
Here we stand deciding the fate of our precious country. Canada has long suffered under the regime of Scorchmist.
Let me tell you a story; a story of love, of tragedy, of moderators, and etc. because I’m too lazy to list the rest out.
He is not responsible. He is not your friend. We need a leader.
Chapter 1 - Creation
I believe RMGnoob can save us.
What many people do not consider when they use the forum is why it’s so much better than r/rotmg. That, however, is unrelated to the topic at hand, because the person we follow today is the illustrious Doc. Niegil died. Doc was a trustworthy man and was known by his peers as Trustee, although not because he was trustworthy, although that is not to say that he is not trustworthy, but trust me when I say that the trustworthiness of his trust does not affect his Trustee status. He was a resident of the mythical Kabam Forums. One day, he decided to make a fateful journey to the lawless, wild, lawless, barren, lawless, uninhabited, and lawless realm known as Realmeye.
The French Theory of Frenchness states that a French president would be far more competent than some Scorchmist guy.
By some great twist of fate, he realized great potential in this, and invited his close friends Otherbill and Stupidity to help establish civilization in the land. Thus, the Realmeye Forums were born. They populated the lands with Nambiars, Remms, Shatters, and zxcv’s. The King of all HG’s and the King of the Orange Drakes came and were known throughout the forums.
This is not a matter of discussion. This is a matter of necessity.
Also in the same moment the Kabam forums went Kabam but nobody liked Kabam so no further talk on this matter something something obligatory msellers meme and niegil died END OF DISCUSSION.
Therefore, I pledge $0.99 to the RMGnoob cause, and hope for peace and prosperity for all.
The first ones to emigrate were the great RMGnoob of the Textwall, the UnicornSla of the Giant Horse that Shot Rainbows, the Mynamerr of Adding Arbitrary Letters to the End of Names, the Xaklor of 95-page ideas, the Toastrz of the Toast, the Niegil of the Grave, the Nevov of the Sorcerers, Trofimowen of the Shitpost and the rest of the people that I’m too lazy to list out. The Realmeye forums were blessed and all rejoiced.
That’s not all. Voting for RMGnoob will greatly increase our economy because everyone likes French people, or so they say.
2 - Growth
If you’re on dark mode, this is where I say I’m severely disappointed in you.
It was a winter day in 2017. The cold was bitter and a great despair fell upon the denizens of Realmeye. Why? Not sure. Ask them, but I doubt they know either. Who knows why? Who knows what? Niegil died. Who knows anything? Niegil died. WHAT IS ANYTHING?
RMGnoob could answer the above question. See, we don’t need some inactive user who only posts in the off-topic category. We need someone who knows his shit.
Back off topic, the Realmeye forums were in need of a savior. Would it be the great RMGnoob to write an inspirational 12,000 word address to the people, or would it be the CandyShi, whose luck would make people salty enough to forget their sadness?
RMGnoob also has a confirmed IQ of 19,000. It was measured by 3 world famous scientists that we aren’t allowed to name for security reasons.
Niegil died.
RMGnoob didn’t though. Vote for him.
Nay, it was the illustrious Trofimowen with a quality thread that had shaken the forums to its very core. The Square Set was created, and all were struck with a sense of awe and astonishment as to how Trofimowen was able to conceive such great genius.
All were bathed in the golden light of 200% effort 300% quality posts 100% reason to remember the name and were revived.
3 - Unhealthy community
It was now that the likes of Starlias, Plveuk, Wandoffire, and others rose out of the shadows and commenced attack on the forums. Rocks fell and everyone died, including xDrDogex because he exposed everyone and Niegil because he died. The Forums were wrought with conflict, and even those such as ConsoleMC were driven away. It was a dark time.
Many moderators left. The Nambiars disappeared to Nambiarland, the Remms were already gone but this is apparently relevant so I’m including this here, Niegil died, Blackjam disappeared, the Kings of the HG and of the Drakes left because of reasons, BMJ left because the forums could not comprehend his godly status, and Mattyfatty died but later came back to life by some miracle. Maybe it was those fat reserves.
The BookBookBo was a special case, for in his mind he was one with Shatter. Unfortunately his hopes were shattered by Shatter because he was far too unique and unselfish for the forums.
Look, RMGnoob would never abandon the forums. He’s clearly got a sense of responsibility.
WARNING: Mike Sellers demands you pay the toll.
^ and that’s something he would never demand.
4 - The Great Toastening
One fine toasty morning, Toastrz was toasting some toast when suddenly Niegil died. It almost seems meaningless; after all, what is a Niegil death but an inevitability?
Yet it was then that the idea of the Lost Halls appeared in his mind. He invited his close friend Kiddforce to collaborate on an idea that would make Niegil die history.
In summer, the weather was fine and toasty. Characters toasted themselves on the Nexus beach (some might refer to this as “sunbathing,” whatever the hell that is.) Niegil toasted himself to death. Little did they know that apocalypse was at hand, for the great Oryx Horde had been encroaching upon the nexus. As they fought for their lives, they came to know the fear known as “Earth Smash.” As injured people of the Nexus fled to the forums, complaints about the Earth Smash flooded the community. However, the worst was yet to come.
Toastrz had finally completed his grand scheme. He and Kiddforce looked on in pride at the monstrosity they had created.
The Lost Halls.
People went in, but only some of them came out. It was a fearful time. Many died, including Niegil.
See, the Lost Halls is a symbol of pandering towards the filthy bourgeousie. RMGnoob is the champion of the working class.
REMINDER: Have you paid the toll yet?
5 - Niegil
died
6 - A New Challenger Approaches!
The forums were falling into disrepair. As moderators left, and members went inactive, all hope was lost. T’was a tragedy. Yet it was by chance that the great diety Krathan descended upon the forums, unleashing upon them his divine aura which was worshipped by all except for one individual named Troii.
Nobody liked Troii and he got banned the end lol also filthy capitalists industrialized the Lost Halls.
Thank you for listening to my speech. I hope you consider all that I have said, and vote RMGnoob over Scorchmist for the position of president of Canada.
Buy my merch also. All proceeds go to Mike Sellers, whomst we are not affiliated with in any way, shape, or form*. This step is mandatory IF YOU DID NOT PAY THE TOLL.
plot twist infinity war spoilers alert niegil is in movei but he dies?!1!?!1 also thanos is actually toastrz.
I have nothing more to say.
Begone.
[Insert meaningful quote]
Yacht.
I forgot an Ickabod reference, sorry Icky Wicky ;(
Now if you were on light mode, it could be a good time to just highlight the entire post.
*a yacht does not count as a way, shape, or form. Rather, it is an abstract concept based on the ideals of the illustrious Kablam.
