Defective (Story)

#1

Was inspired to write my own story after I saw “The Life of an Assassin”.

Will be updating it daily when I can.

I like it, but there’s definitely room for improvement! Suggest ideas, edits, changes, etc.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EOe92Uj54uEFC_5MafgWP9jYinJCECuyEI6VLOpTwzU/edit?usp=sharing .

#2

“Got it for one of my contacts that I deal with a bit.”

is it for or from?

#3

for

#4

shouldn’t it be “i got it FROM one of my contacts that i deal with a bit”

#5

no

#6

cuz he got it from the “contact” (guy he got the dagger from) and not for the “contact”

#7

Check again. She did get it FOR the contact, as a favor.

#8

oh crap soz
(good story, keep going)

#9

Haha, it’s k.

Thanks, I will be able to work on it later today

#10

ps: i like how the story is going along so far but
we don’t really know anything about the archer or the wizard
we can get an idea of the priest and her personality through her words and actions
but we haven’t really met the wizard or archer as they haven’t really done much to show personality

also are you going to call them “The Wizard” and “The Archer” for all time?
or ru going to give them names so that u can have multiple characters for one class

#11

I don’t plan on keeping them as characters. They’re sort of an introduction, so I deemed it fitting to keep their names as their classes. I think it reduces confusion for now.

The priest is sort of the bossy know it all that can be curt. The wizard is the friendly one who generally tries to help others with knowledge. And the archer is a bit quieter, he’s not good around strangers.

Like I said I will refrain from delving deeper into their personalities. There isn’t a need for it.

#12

Thank you for the suggestions though :slight_smile: I’ll need them

#13

no problem, i like the realistic take on rotmg
especially the introduction of night/day, actual traveling for “bazaars”, freezing to death, etc

makes it more realistic and easier to relate to the characters

#14

Haha, I like it too. Thanks again <3

ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒᵐᵉˢᵗᵘᶜᵏ ᵍᵘʸ ʷᵉʳᵉᶰ’ᵗ ʸᵒᵘ

#15

if ur talking about seelpit, its not me

but yeah im another homestuck guy :33

#16

I like it

#17

Thank you!

#18

Update: added some more into the story!

#19

i like it :slight_smile:
is the title a hint to the main character?

#20

Indeed it is!